WWE suspends wrestler for passing steroid test

World Wrestling Entertainment made some news on Monday, when it was announced that they had suspended one of their top contenders- Todd “Sasquatch” Sorensen, for what they deemed to be a violation of their “wellness policy”.

But the Daly Dose has learned that the violation consisted of Sasquatch actually passing a drug test, and proving that he is in fact, steroid free.

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“Look, we have certain expectations for our wrestlers.” said WWE Chairman Vince McMahon. “We expect them to take care of their bodies, and Sasquatch failed to live up to those expectations. As a result, we are forced to suspend him for 60 days after which, he can test again and hopefully get it right.”

Sasquatch was baffled by the ruling.

“Look, I may not be a very smart man. I am just a hard working guy, that goes to work every day, and tries to carve out my own version of the American dream.” Sasquatch responded on Monday. “I had thought that I was doing what was right by avoiding anabolic steroids of any kind. But I can see now that I made a huge mistake.”

Sasquatch continued “I will make this right. I am working right now to try to attain as many anabolic steroids as I can get my hands on. Does anyone have Alex Rodriguez’s phone number? Jose Canseco? The Russian track team?”

 

 

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Pro wrestling fan beginning to wonder if “this is all a clever ruse”

42 year old professional wrestling fan Rod Morris is starting to think that his favorite pastime could in fact be a fraudulent sport.

He has been an avid pro wrestling supporter since he was just a boy of six years old, but lately, he has spotted some instances that seem to be fishy.

“I have heard the rumors” Morris stated “but I know these guys are incredible athletes and the training that they go through is without a doubt real. Just the tanning schedule alone would be way too much for the average Joe Six-pack that thinks he could be a pro wrestler.”

And yet…

“I have seen a few things that give me pause.” Morris went on “I know the injuries that boxers sustain and they are wearing padded gloves. I have also started to doubt the competency of the officials in pro wrestling. I know they have their hands full but sometimes it seems like they really aren’t even trying.”

Will Rod be watching the big Wrestlemania event tonight featuring Brock Lesnar facing off against Roman Reigns?

“Of course. In fact, I am giddy for it. But I will be watching closely and if I see even just one folding chair smash that looks dubious I will take to my favorite pro wrestling message board “ProRassler.com” and I will voice my opinions fiercely.”

“These are not plays, and this is not a soap opera. We as pro wrestling fans demand more than that. I mean this isn’t the NBA for goodness sake.”