|1. Tampa Bay Buccaneers
||The best thing right now for Jameis Winston would be to get drafted by a top notch team and get him far away from some of his past adversities in the state of Florida. That isn’t going to happen. Good luck, Tampa. Better start looking for a team of lawyers right now.
||Jameis Winston, QB, Florida State
|2. Tennessee Titans
||The Titans are currently the most boring team in the NFL. They don’t have a single player that elicits any sort of reaction whatsoever. Marcus Mariota would really inject some excitement.
||Brandon Scherff, OG, Iowa
|3. Jacksonville Jaguars
||The Jaguars need offensive line help. They also need defensive line help. And running backs. A wide receiver would be nice. Maybe a cornerback. And a safety. Or a tight end.
||Vic Beasley, OLB, Clemson
|4. Oakland Raiders
||We all know about the Raiders penchant for drafting under-talented wide receivers that have blazing speed. UAB wide receiver JJ Nelson posted the fastest 40 time in the NFL Combine (4.28)…but he isn’t even supposed to be drafted…let alone in the first round.
||JJ Nelson, WR, UAB
||The Robert Griffin era has been nothing short of a disaster. When will teams learn that undersized running quarterbacks that haven’t had to make a read at the line of scrimmage do NOT work?
||Marcus Mariota, QB, Oregon
|6. New York Jets
||I think we all remember the blunder that the Jets made in 1995 taking tight end Kyle Brady instead of future Hall-of-Famer Warren Sapp. With USC DE Leonard Williams still on the board, they won’t make that mistake again.
||Maxx Williams, TE, Minnesota
|7. Chicago Bears
||Yes, the Bears desperately need a quarterback. As if it isn’t bad enough that Jay Cutler has been so horribly bad…the Bears also made him the highest paid player in the league. But the important thing is that they don’t panic and reach for a quarterback too early here.
||Brett Hundley, QB, UCLA
|8. Atlanta Falcons
||The Falcons have a recent history of drafting wide receivers. But they don’t need that now. The Atlanta defense ranked dead last in total yards allowed. So this pick has to be defense, defense, defense!
||Amari Cooper, WR, Alabama
|9.New York Giants
||The Giants took a big step backward on defense last season allowing 376 yards per game in 2014. Tom Coughlin is a crotchety old man that desperately wants a defensive player that is just as grumpy as he is.
||Clint Eastwood, FS, Los Angeles City College
|10. St Louis Rams
||The Rams have struggled to find much support in St Louis. With Carson, California unanimously approving a new stadium site it would seem that the Rams days in St Louis could be numbered. But who knows if they are even interested moving out west?
||Jim Dear, Mayor, Carson, CA
|11. Minnesota Vikings
||Remember in 2003 when the Vikings failed to turn in their draft pick? It’s good to know that the current day Vikings have put that kind of unprofessionalism behind them.
||The Vikings have failed to turn in their draft card in the allotted time. The Cleveland Browns are now on the clock.
|12. Cleveland Browns
||The Browns are laboring to find their quarterback. 2014 was a struggle with the inconsistency of Brian Hoyer and Johnny Manziel. Plus there was that penalty and fine for their general manager texting the sideline during games. The Browns can’t afford to have mistakes like that in 2015 either on the field or on their cell phones.
||Brett Favre, QB, Southern Mississippi
|13.New Orleans Saints
||There is a fire sale going on in New Orleans. The Saints have lost Patrick Robinson, Kenny Stills, Ben Grubbs, Curtis Lofton, Pierre Thomas, and of course Jimmy Graham in an effort to get under the salary cap. They have even talked about trading away franchise QB Drew Brees. This team has holes to fill and they still don’t have any money.
||The Saints have elected to pass on their pick. The Miami Dolphins are now on the clock.
|14. Miami Dolphins
||After struggling in his first season at 7-9 Joe Philbin has proved all of the critics wrong by taking the Dolphins where no one thought they could go. The Dolphins have now gone 8-8 over the past two seasons. So long, mediocrity!
||La’el Collins, OT, LSU
|15. San Francisco 49ers
||After three straight seasons of going to the conference championship the 49ers bottomed out last season. Now the Niners franchise feels like rats fleeing a sinking ship. It just seems like no one wants to be in San Francisco these days.
||Arik Armstead, DT, OregonArmstead has now announced that he will return to Oregon for his senior season.
|16. Houston Texans
||If the Texans had even a marginal quarterback last season they would have made the playoffs. But hey, they went and signed Brian Hoyer and re-signed Ryan Mallett. Maybe they should just play JJ Watt under center.
||Kevin White, WR, West Virginia
|17. San Diego Chargers
||Things are not all that sunny in San Diego. The Chargers could move. Philip Rivers may want out. This team is an ordinary 42-38 over their past five seasons and RB Ryan Mathews is now an Eagle. Oh well, Mathews was always hurt anyways. They need a running back that is more durable.
||Todd Gurley, RB, Georgia
|18. Kansas City Chiefs
||Alex Smith was sacked 45 times last season and head coach Andy Reid loves drafting offensive linemen. You know what else Andy Reid loves? Fried chicken. And pizza. Also ice cream. And maybe some sweet potato pie. All pies, really. The Chiefs might draft a Hostess truck driver when you think about it.
||Ereck Flowers, OT, Miami
|19. Cleveland Browns
||After shoring up their QB problems with the #12 pick the Browns can now focus on finding a replacement for Josh Gordon whose off field issues have kept him from reaching his potential. But whatever they do the Browns can’t take a chance on a WR with more character issues.
||Dorial Green-Beckham, WR, Oklahoma
|20. Philadelphia Eagles
||Chip Kelly sure has an affinity for former big name college QBs even if they have struggled in the NFL. The Eagles currently have Mark Sanchez, Matt Barkley, Sam Bradford, and Tim Tebow on their roster. Now Kelly will have to turn his attention to the offensive line or maybe a safety.
||Vince Young, QB, Texas
|21. Cincinnati Bengals
||The Bengals just can’t seem to get over the hump and win a playoff game. Andy Dalton seems to save his worst performances for the playoffs and just crushes the hometown fans. It’s like he doesn’t have a soul or something. Safety Landon Collins makes sense here. And he doesn’t have red hair.
||Landon Collins, SS, Alabama
|22. Pittsburgh Steelers
||The Steelers always seem to get a steal every single draft. I don’t know how they do it…but it seems like every year a player will fall to Pittsburgh, and become a Pro Bowler. Then they will leave Pittsburgh eventually to actually get paid.
||Leonard Williams, DT, USC
|23. Detroit Lions
||The Detroit Lions were undoubtedly disappointed when they lost defensive tackle Ndamukong Suh but what they really need is to rebuild an offensive line that allowed 45 sacks last season. Or they could choose to ignore the offensive line, draft a DT to appease their fans, and see if Matt Stafford actually gets killed this year.
||Malcom Brown, DT, Texas
|24. Arizona Cardinals
||The Arizona Cardinals started last season 9-1 but injuries to quarterback Carson Palmer and running back Andre Ellington killed them down the stretch. Head coach Bruce Arians is an offensive genius but the Cardinals offense was woeful without Palmer and the defense eventually wore down. The Cardinals should use this pick on a defensive back because even though they will get Carson Palmer back this season…I mean…he is still Carson Palmer.
||Trae Waynes, CB, Michigan State
|25. Carolina Panthers
||The Panthers have lost defensive end Greg Hardy, and they have a few holes on the offensive line that need to be addressed as well. But I see the Panthers taking a wide receiver here. A tall wide receiver. Someone with a big wing span that can really jump high. Because you know…that’s where most of Cam Newton’s passes go anyways.
||DaVante Parker, WR, Louisville
|26. Baltimore Ravens
||The Ravens would really like to pick up a running back here. Justin Forsett was a stop gap last season but they would like to improve the position. I swear Baltimore used to have another running back two years ago that was pretty good. Not sure what happened to him. Maybe you heard something about it on the news?
||Melvin Gordon, RB, Wisconsin
|27. Dallas Cowboys
||Last year Jerry Jones really wanted to draft Johnny Manziel. Cowboys’ management talked him out of it and the Cowboys had their best season since 2007. You just know Jones is feeling cocky after such a great year.
||Jerry Jones, QB, Arkansas
|28. Denver Broncos
||Peyton Manning will want a new weapon to throw to but the Broncos have other holes to fill. They need offensive line help but you know Manning figures he can just get rid of the ball faster. They need some defense but you know Peyton just assumes he can outscore the other team. But Peyton Manning isn’t the boss. He will just have to wait and take what he gets.
||Breshad Perriman, WR, Central Florida
|29. Indianapolis Colts
||The Colts look like the team that has really improved the most in the offseason. They signed running back Frank Gore, linebacker Trent Cole, and wide receiver Andre Johnson. Wait…those guys are all over 30 and have a history of injury problems. Maybe this offseason wasn’t as great as we think.
||DJ Humphries, OT, Florida
|30. Green Bay Packers
||The Packers should have been playing in the Super Bowl. All they had to do was recover an onside kick and they would have been facing the Patriots in Arizona. They don’t really need any offense and would be well advised to use this pick on a linebacker or cornerback. Unless they are just still wildly distressed over that onside kick.
||Nick O’Leary, TE, Florida St
|31. New Orleans Saints
||Still no money. Still no players. Still no hope. A late first round WR won’t be too expensive, right?
||Phillip Dorsett, WR, Miami
|32. New England Patriots
||So there you have it. The Patriots will get the worst player in the first round because they were the best team last year. And that is how all of this works. This system is foolproof!
||Dante Fowler Jr, OLB, Florida