WWE suspends wrestler for passing steroid test

World Wrestling Entertainment made some news on Monday, when it was announced that they had suspended one of their top contenders- Todd “Sasquatch” Sorensen, for what they deemed to be a violation of their “wellness policy”.

But the Daly Dose has learned that the violation consisted of Sasquatch actually passing a drug test, and proving that he is in fact, steroid free.

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“Look, we have certain expectations for our wrestlers.” said WWE Chairman Vince McMahon. “We expect them to take care of their bodies, and Sasquatch failed to live up to those expectations. As a result, we are forced to suspend him for 60 days after which, he can test again and hopefully get it right.”

Sasquatch was baffled by the ruling.

“Look, I may not be a very smart man. I am just a hard working guy, that goes to work every day, and tries to carve out my own version of the American dream.” Sasquatch responded on Monday. “I had thought that I was doing what was right by avoiding anabolic steroids of any kind. But I can see now that I made a huge mistake.”

Sasquatch continued “I will make this right. I am working right now to try to attain as many anabolic steroids as I can get my hands on. Does anyone have Alex Rodriguez’s phone number? Jose Canseco? The Russian track team?”

 

 

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