Prince Shembo claims self defense in murder of dog

Former Atlanta Falcons linebacker Shembo Prince is claiming self defense in the murder of his girlfriend’s dog, a Yorkie named Dior.

Yorkie

“I didn’t want to hurt Dior, but that dog is crazy.” Shembo said in an interview with Gwinnett County police in Georgia on Friday.

The investigation was completed on Thursday police said, and the 6-foot-2, 254-pound, Shembo was charged with felony aggravated cruelty to an animal. The dog died from blunt force trauma and suffered from extensive injuries including a a fractured rib, abdominal hemorrhage, head trauma, eye injuries, and extensive bruising in the muscles of his front leg and shoulders.

Shembo had been left alone with the dog while his girlfriend Denica Williams was out of the house. But reports are conflicting as to what happened during that time.

Shembo contends that he was simply trying to put the 14 pound Dior into his dog kennel when the dog “snapped”.

“He had that wild look in his eyes and he had an assault rifle. When he pulled out that AK-47 I knew it was him or me.” Shembo said. “Did I kick him? Yes. But I had to. I had no choice”

The Atlanta Falcons have waived the linebacker after the charges were filed on Friday.

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Breaking News: Golden State Warriors concussion test revealed!

There has been much speculation recently about the Golden State Warriors medical staff and their concussion testing.

Both Stephen Curry and Klay Thompson left playoff games against the Houston Rockets in the NBA Western Conference Finals and seemed to have suffered injuries that might involve concussion-like symptoms. Yet both players returned and we were told that each of the players passed the Warriors medical staff concussion test.

The Daly Dose has managed to retain a copy of the test that was given to both players. (See below)

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Golden State Warriors Concussion Test

  1. What is your name? (Correct answer: 10 points)
  2. Where are you right now? (Correct answer: 10 points)
  3. How many fingers am I holding up? (Correct answer within three fingers: 10 points)
  4. Do you want to keep playing? (Yes: 10 points)
  5. Do you feel confused right now? (Yes: -10 points)
  6. Are you nauseous? (Yes: -10 points)
  7. Do you hear ringing in your ears? (Yes: -10 points)
  8. Do the bright lights irritate your eyes? (Yes: -10 points)
  9. Can you tell me the last three questions that I asked you? (Yes: 10 points)
  10. Are you playing well? (Yes: 50 points)

Grading Guide:

50 points or more: Player is definitely fine to return. Just say they had a scratch somewhere on their head.

40 points: Player is probably fine. Send them back to the bench area.

30 points: Player is ok. Put a towel over their head to let them rest on the walk back to the court to soothe them.

20 points: Player is capable of returning. (Encourage them)

10 points: Player is just being a drama queen. (LeBron James)

Colorado Rockies GM Jeff Bridich says “no issue” with MGR Walt Weiss

Rockies+2Colorado Rockies general manager Jeff Bridich says that manager Walt Weiss is not in trouble and in fact he likes where the Rockies are right now.

Currently Colorado is 16-25 and dead last in the NL West.

“We clearly don’t mind being terrible.” He added. “In fact we prefer it. We wouldn’t even field a team if we didn’t have to but Major League Baseball is very strict about that. Believe me. We’ve asked.”

Don’t they even want to try to win?

“Not really.” Bridich answered. “It just creates false hope and we have learned that people come to Coors Field to hang out. They don’t even watch the games apparently because we keep trotting out these awful lineups and people just keep coming.  At some point we think they might catch on but they just keep coming. It’s awesome. We literally have no job performance standards! People keep showing up and giving us money for nothing. It’s amazing!”

Bridich concluded the interview by laughing maniacally and singing a few bars of the 80s song “Money for Nothing” by Dire Straits.

Peyton Manning moves David Letterman to tears with emotional final song

Peyton Manning called another audible on Thursday night bringing down the house and bringing tears to the eyes of longtime late night host David Letterman.

Expected to appear on Letterman’s farewell show to provide some lighthearted sports takes Manning instead surprised everyone by singing a breathtaking version of “One More for my Baby (and One More for the Road).”

As Manning sat next to him, Letterman became unexpectedly emotional, and the scene of the two of them was caught from a unique camera shot from across the stage.

Throughout, Letterman looked genuinely touched and Manning ended the song by running over and putting a laurel over Letterman’s neck, and then running backstage, clearly about to burst into tears.

Austin Rivers gets grounded after Game 7 loss

As though losing Game 7 to the Houston Rockets wasn’t heartbreaking enough Los Angeles Clippers shooting guard Austin River has now been grounded for the summer by his father and head coach Doc Rivers.

Rivers

“Yeah, I grounded him.” said Doc on Monday after his son Austin produced just two points on Sunday in 15 minutes and had a turnover and four personal fouls. “I told him that his performance on the court was unacceptable and that this hurts right now but it will pay off for him in the long run.”

Included in the ban is all video game time, all cell phone usage, and no playing outside until September.

“I hate him! I hate him! I hate him! I hate him!” sobbed Austin when asked about his punishment. “I’m going to tell mom!”

Rivers struggled down the stretch in the series against Houston logging just 15 points on 23 shots over the final three games.

“He has to learn.” said Doc. “He has to learn.”

New England Patriots ball boys accidentally launch nuclear warhead

It seems those two ball boys for the New England Patriots can’t stay out of trouble for long. On the heels of the “Deflategate” controversy it seems that James McNally and John Jastremski are up their wacky hijinks once again.

Last time we caught up with these two they had secretly deflated the footballs for Tom Brady.

This time it was something significantly more serious.

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McNally and Jastremski are being named the scapegoats once again in a nuclear strike that detonated in the Middle East.

President Barack Obama was at the podium to discuss the allegations that the United States has attacked another country without provocation.

The following is the entire transcript from Obama’s press conference on Thursday afternoon regarding the allegations against the United States.

Obama: I want to take this opportunity to share some information. I spent a significant amount of time this past week learning as much as I could learn, more than I could ever imagine to tell you the truth, about nuclear missiles, launch keys, security, launch preparation, and so forth. [I’m] trying to be as helpful as I can here and share with you what I’ve learned.

I want to be completely clear on one thing. I had nothing whatsoever to do with this. This is all Joe. Not me. He gets all drunk and starts playing cops and robbers or whatever he was doing with his new little pothead friends. And sometimes we have accidents. But I didn’t do this. It was him. Not me.

I would now like to bring up Vice President Joe Biden to give his side of what happened.

Joe Biden: Obviously I’d much rather be up here talking about “my stimulus package” (giggling) and preparing for my presidential campaign, which we’ve been trying to do for the last few days. I know President [Barack] Obama addressed it with you guys this morning and I wanted to give you guys the opportunity to ask [The] questions that you want. I’ll do my best to provide the answers that I have, if any, and we’ll go from there.

Q: When and how did you supposedly lose the launch keys?

JB: I didn’t “lose” the keys in any way, okay? I have a process that I go through every day where I check my pockets, I look around my room, and I check my aquarium. But we brought in these new equipment guys from the New England Patriots…you know just to help out around the White House…take me to McDonalds, clean the launch keys…whatever. And we had drank a little on Sunday night and then ordered like 16 pizzas and made prank phone calls to Mitt Romney. That happened obviously on Sunday night. It was the same process that I always go through. I didn’t think anything of it. Obviously I woke up Monday morning and answered a question on the radio about it and that was the first I really heard about it.

Q: This has raised a lot of uncomfortable conversations for people around this country who view you as being in control of the most dangerous weapons on the planet. The question they’re asking themselves is, ‘What’s up with our Vice President?’ Can you answer right now, is Joe Biden a warmonger?

JB: I don’t believe so. I feel like I’ve always played within the rules. I would never do anything to break the rules. I believe in just regular wars and maybe gun fights like on Die Hard but I respect everything the United Nations tries to do with creating a more peaceful world and all that crap. It’s a very competitive world. Every nation is trying to do the best they can to win every week. I believe in fair play. And I always have. And I always will.

Q: Some people think President Obama threw you under the bus this morning, do you feel that way?

JB: No, I think everyone is obviously trying to figure out what happened. I think that’s the main thing over the last couple days. It’s trying to figure out what happened. He has tried to throw me in front of a real bus before. This was not that at all.

Q: Do all Vice Presidents have access to the warhead keys and have you done anything differently from anyone else previously?

JB: I’m not sure. I can only speak for myself. I think that there’s a process that everybody goes through with their keys. It’s probably a lot like a baseball mitt when you’re a kid. I try to explain that to my friends a lot. When I play with the keys and sometimes pretend to be the president and that I am going to just nuke somebody it goes through my mind. I want to be very familiar with the equipment that I’m using, just like my X-Box controller, just like my tie, just like my shoes. You go through that process of putting the keys into the launch activator and getting comfortable with them. Then I yell things like “Pow! Pow! Pow!”

Q: How important is it for you to get this out of the way and take this head-on so you can get focused on your presidential campaign?

JB: That’s where the importance is, as far as I’m concerned. I know this is a very important thing and that’s why I’m here addressing it. I know with Barack, we accomplished something really special getting to this point. We’re going to work as hard as we can over the next 10 days and try to forget about that giant crater that is now the Middle East.

Q: Do you know the difference between a pretend nuclear strike and a real one? Did you notice a difference in the time leading up to the actual nuclear warhead launch?

JB: I didn’t think twice about it. I woke up in my room with my foot stuck in the trash can and I was wearing a giant pirate hat that we had made with one of the pizza boxes and I noticed immediately that my keys were not with me. Jimmy and Johnny were not in the room and so I thought I better find them before Barack comes in and yells at me again.

Q: What do you say to the skeptics that say, ‘An accidental nuclear warhead was launched under this administration. How can we possibly believe what Biden and the president are saying now?’

JB: Everybody has an opinion. I think everybody has the right to believe whatever they want. I don’t ever cast judgment on someone’s belief system. If that’s what they feel like they want to do, then believe whatever you want. I believe in the Loch Ness monster. Is that crazy? Maybe. Do I still believe it? You bet.

Q: Are you comfortable that nobody on your side did anything wrong?

JB: I have no knowledge of anything.

Q: Are you comfortable that nobody did anything?

JB: Yeah, I’m very comfortable saying that. I’m very comfortable saying that nobody did it, as far as I know. I don’t know everything. I also understand that I was sleeping off some of that Natty Lite that they brought over. I don’t know what happened while I was out. Johnny and Jimmy might know more about that than I do. Those guys are cray cray as the kids like to say.

Q: If it’s found that someone improperly launched the nuclear missile, is it important to you that someone is held accountable?

JB: I’m not the one that imposes [that] type of accountably. Its discipline and all that, that’s not really my job. Barack and Michelle yell at me a lot and send me to my room. And Michelle put me in time out last week because I was drinking Red Bull last week. But I like it and she’s not my mom.

Q: Is this a moment to just say ‘I’m sorry,’ to your supporters?

JB: I think it’s disappointing that a situation like this happens. Obviously I’d love to be up here talking about sitting in the Oval Office, not worried about spilling my Powerade, in a very joyful mood. I’m obviously very disappointed that we have to be having a press conference like this.

Following the press conferences the United Nations was able to get a transcript of text messages sent back and forth between White House Office Aides James McNally and John Jastremski from the night in question:

McNally: Joe sucks- he drank all of our beer… I’m going to take his nuclear warhead keys and blow up the greater Boston area.

Jastremski: When we were playing army last night. He actually brought you up and said you are one of his favorite people to play with. He loved that pirate hat you made with the pizza box. He was wearing it around saying “I’m Barack! I’m Barack!”

Jastremski: He’s funny.

Jastremski: I got caught by Michelle this morning. She took all of our Funyuns and Little Debbie Cosmic Brownies.

McNally: F*ck joe and michelle…Wait till tomorrow when nuclear winter begins.

Jastremski: Omg! Spaz.

Episode 24 of the podcast is up!

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This week Clint talks about Tom Brady, the New England Patriots, and Deflategate. Did the NFL hit the Patriots too hard? Plus we hand out some NBA awards, talk NBA Playoffs and look back at the Top 5 most memorable sports scandals of all time.

Episode 24