Daly Dose 11-23-18 The best of the Daly Dose

Friday on the Daly Dose, we are bringing you a throwback episode of the Daly Dose from January 2015!

The NFL Playoffs were underway, and we had seen a major playoff collapse, plus one team was in some trouble with the league, and we bring you a NFL Playoff flavored Daly Dose Top 5!

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Patriots intern accidentally disables wrong tablets

The Denver Broncos beat the New England Patriots on Sunday 20-18 in a thriller that sends Denver to their eighth Super Bowl in franchise history.

Quarterback Peyton Manning threw for two touchdowns, and the Denver defense forced two interceptions from Patriots quarterback Tom Brady, and the Broncos earned their second Super Bowl trip in three years.

But the big story following the game was the fact that the New England Patriots Surface tablets stopped working and that it may have been due to corporate espionage.

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According to numerous reports the tablets on the Bronco side of the field were working fine but NFL rules do not mandate that Denver turn them off as would be the case if the electronic headsets were malfunctioning.

The team tablets are connected to a dedicated private wireless network and are used to look at real-time photos of previous plays and to study the tendencies and formations of the opposing team.

The problems were connectivity-related and were resolved after about 20 minutes.

However, the Daly Dose has learned that the Patriots’ electronics issues may have been self-inflicted.

A New England ball boy intern that goes by the nickname “The Hacker”, mentioned that he had been told by Coach Bill Belichick to “take whatever means necessary to knock out the Bronco tablets.”

Unfortunately he took out the wrong sideline.

When asked about the situation following the game Belichick was adamant that he had never authorized such a thing.

“Look, we do have a ball boy that we call “The Hacker” but it is because of his poor basketball skills. I am shocked to hear about this situation and had no previous knowledge of this controversy whatsoever. I think we all know that quarterbacks, kickers, specialists have certain preferences on the pictures that are provided on the sideline. They know a lot more than I do. They’re a lot more sensitive to it than I am. So I would say you need to ask Tom.”

Belichick continued. “Tom’s personal preferences on pictures are something that he can talk about in much better detail and information than I could possibly provide.”

“I am moving on to Cincinnati.”

 

 

 

 

Check out Episode 44 of the Daly Dose Sports Podcast!

This week on the Daly Dose Sports Podcast Clint takes a look at what we learned from NFL Week 3, how MLB postseason is shaping up, and the winners and losers from Week 4 of the college football season. Plus we count down the ugliest NFL players of all time! It is a superficial and shallow Episode 44 that you do not want to miss!

Episode 44

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Daly Dose Sports Pro Football AFC East Preview

The NFL starts up in less than a week and what better way to get ready for the season than by giving you a preview of what could possibly, maybe, concievably, in a perfect world happen?

First up, the AFC East featuring the New England Patriots…and those other teams.

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Team Predicted finish Outlook
AFC East

New England Patriots

11-5 The defending Super Champs don’t look to be as good on paper this season. But you can’t discount the “us against the world” mentality that the Pats will have this year after all of the offseason “Deflategate” controversy. They were just messing around before when they won four Super Bowls. Now they are really really going to get serious.
Buffalo Bills 10-6 Head coach Rex Ryan comes to Buffalo and brings the Bills something they have been lacking: star power. Ryan is a headline name and he has winning seasons on his resume. Unfortunately he didn’t bring a quarterback in his suitcase. So he obviously didn’t bring everything that the Bills were lacking.
Miami Dolphins 7-9 Sure, the Dolphins have been stuck in mediocrity since they last saw the playoffs in 2000, but owner Stephen Ross stepped up with some big money and signed DT Ndamakong Suh and he thinks Miami could be playoff bound. Unfortunately Ryan Tannehill is still the QB and he has even less weapons this year. So welcome to Disappointment City, Mr. Ross. Population: You.
New York Jets 6-10 The Jets had the 6th ranked defense in the NFL last season and the 22nd ranked offense. So they went out and signed some more defensive players and then drafted some more defensive players too. Oh, but they did sign QB Ryan Fitzpatrick and WR Brandon Marshall, both of whom are proven winners. And by “winners” I mean losers.

Next up: Our NFC East Preview!

Daly Doses! Thoughts, reflections, and derision from the Mile High City!

Doses

  • After a long six months we actually have football again! The Sunday Night NFL game between the Steelers and the Vikings drew a higher rating than the NHL Stanley Cup Final Game 6!
  • Isn’t it funny how we wait and wait for any type of football, and then when the preseason games start, we watch enthusiastically for about 30 seconds?
  • “Oh yeah…these are just practice scrimmages with backup players….never mind. I’m going to go eat some more barbecue.”
  • The Toronto Blue Jays have won 11 of 12 since acquiring former Colorado Rockies shortstop Troy Tulowitzki. Where was all of this winning when you were still here, Mr. Tulowitzki?
  • Or is this more of a “we are a product of our environment” thing?
  • Here in the thin air of Denver people are talking about the “great prospects” that the Rockies got in return.
  • I have been hearing about “great prospects” since 1993 so pardon my skepticism.
  • Speaking of thin air…how is that “Deflategate” thing going?
  • It has been six months and I still don’t know anything.
  • The NFL has done a very poor job of presenting it’s case or assembling much in the way of evidence. And those supposedly “inflammatory” emails from Tom Brady were absolutely insignificant.
  • “Peyton Manning only has a year or two left?” and “The Broncos were stupid for trying to cover Gronkowski with Von Miller instead of a safety?”
  • Those aren’t exactly scathing statements. I probably sent those exact two emails to four different people. Verbatim.
  • Wake me up when we get to the juicy photo file.
  • I do have two very simple questions.
  • 1. Why are the Patriots ball boys suspended? If the Pats did NOTHING wrong as they contend then why are these poor suckers paying for doing nothing with their jobs and reputations?
  • 2. If you did absolutely NOTHING as you contend, why on earth would Patriots owner Robert Kraft accept a very stiff penalty ($1 million dollars and the loss of two draft picks) without any sort of appeal?
  • I may not know much…but I know one thing that rich guys do NOT do.
  • Give their money away.
  • RIP to Frank Gifford. Gifford was a 13 year NFL player with the New York Giants who made the Pro Bowl as a defensive back, a running back, and wide receiver. Gifford was a long time sports announcer following his playing career and a commentator for Monday Night Football for 26 seasons.
  • He was 84.
  • Of course, he was married to Kathie Lee Gifford for 28 years so he was really like 127.
  • Okay, so now can we get some REAL football now?

Check out Episode 30!

Clint gives you an NBA Draft preview plus a look at how the NBA game has changed and when those changes started. We also count down the Top 5 choke jobs in sports. Check out Episode #30!

Episode 30

New England Patriots ball boys accidentally launch nuclear warhead

It seems those two ball boys for the New England Patriots can’t stay out of trouble for long. On the heels of the “Deflategate” controversy it seems that James McNally and John Jastremski are up their wacky hijinks once again.

Last time we caught up with these two they had secretly deflated the footballs for Tom Brady.

This time it was something significantly more serious.

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McNally and Jastremski are being named the scapegoats once again in a nuclear strike that detonated in the Middle East.

President Barack Obama was at the podium to discuss the allegations that the United States has attacked another country without provocation.

The following is the entire transcript from Obama’s press conference on Thursday afternoon regarding the allegations against the United States.

Obama: I want to take this opportunity to share some information. I spent a significant amount of time this past week learning as much as I could learn, more than I could ever imagine to tell you the truth, about nuclear missiles, launch keys, security, launch preparation, and so forth. [I’m] trying to be as helpful as I can here and share with you what I’ve learned.

I want to be completely clear on one thing. I had nothing whatsoever to do with this. This is all Joe. Not me. He gets all drunk and starts playing cops and robbers or whatever he was doing with his new little pothead friends. And sometimes we have accidents. But I didn’t do this. It was him. Not me.

I would now like to bring up Vice President Joe Biden to give his side of what happened.

Joe Biden: Obviously I’d much rather be up here talking about “my stimulus package” (giggling) and preparing for my presidential campaign, which we’ve been trying to do for the last few days. I know President [Barack] Obama addressed it with you guys this morning and I wanted to give you guys the opportunity to ask [The] questions that you want. I’ll do my best to provide the answers that I have, if any, and we’ll go from there.

Q: When and how did you supposedly lose the launch keys?

JB: I didn’t “lose” the keys in any way, okay? I have a process that I go through every day where I check my pockets, I look around my room, and I check my aquarium. But we brought in these new equipment guys from the New England Patriots…you know just to help out around the White House…take me to McDonalds, clean the launch keys…whatever. And we had drank a little on Sunday night and then ordered like 16 pizzas and made prank phone calls to Mitt Romney. That happened obviously on Sunday night. It was the same process that I always go through. I didn’t think anything of it. Obviously I woke up Monday morning and answered a question on the radio about it and that was the first I really heard about it.

Q: This has raised a lot of uncomfortable conversations for people around this country who view you as being in control of the most dangerous weapons on the planet. The question they’re asking themselves is, ‘What’s up with our Vice President?’ Can you answer right now, is Joe Biden a warmonger?

JB: I don’t believe so. I feel like I’ve always played within the rules. I would never do anything to break the rules. I believe in just regular wars and maybe gun fights like on Die Hard but I respect everything the United Nations tries to do with creating a more peaceful world and all that crap. It’s a very competitive world. Every nation is trying to do the best they can to win every week. I believe in fair play. And I always have. And I always will.

Q: Some people think President Obama threw you under the bus this morning, do you feel that way?

JB: No, I think everyone is obviously trying to figure out what happened. I think that’s the main thing over the last couple days. It’s trying to figure out what happened. He has tried to throw me in front of a real bus before. This was not that at all.

Q: Do all Vice Presidents have access to the warhead keys and have you done anything differently from anyone else previously?

JB: I’m not sure. I can only speak for myself. I think that there’s a process that everybody goes through with their keys. It’s probably a lot like a baseball mitt when you’re a kid. I try to explain that to my friends a lot. When I play with the keys and sometimes pretend to be the president and that I am going to just nuke somebody it goes through my mind. I want to be very familiar with the equipment that I’m using, just like my X-Box controller, just like my tie, just like my shoes. You go through that process of putting the keys into the launch activator and getting comfortable with them. Then I yell things like “Pow! Pow! Pow!”

Q: How important is it for you to get this out of the way and take this head-on so you can get focused on your presidential campaign?

JB: That’s where the importance is, as far as I’m concerned. I know this is a very important thing and that’s why I’m here addressing it. I know with Barack, we accomplished something really special getting to this point. We’re going to work as hard as we can over the next 10 days and try to forget about that giant crater that is now the Middle East.

Q: Do you know the difference between a pretend nuclear strike and a real one? Did you notice a difference in the time leading up to the actual nuclear warhead launch?

JB: I didn’t think twice about it. I woke up in my room with my foot stuck in the trash can and I was wearing a giant pirate hat that we had made with one of the pizza boxes and I noticed immediately that my keys were not with me. Jimmy and Johnny were not in the room and so I thought I better find them before Barack comes in and yells at me again.

Q: What do you say to the skeptics that say, ‘An accidental nuclear warhead was launched under this administration. How can we possibly believe what Biden and the president are saying now?’

JB: Everybody has an opinion. I think everybody has the right to believe whatever they want. I don’t ever cast judgment on someone’s belief system. If that’s what they feel like they want to do, then believe whatever you want. I believe in the Loch Ness monster. Is that crazy? Maybe. Do I still believe it? You bet.

Q: Are you comfortable that nobody on your side did anything wrong?

JB: I have no knowledge of anything.

Q: Are you comfortable that nobody did anything?

JB: Yeah, I’m very comfortable saying that. I’m very comfortable saying that nobody did it, as far as I know. I don’t know everything. I also understand that I was sleeping off some of that Natty Lite that they brought over. I don’t know what happened while I was out. Johnny and Jimmy might know more about that than I do. Those guys are cray cray as the kids like to say.

Q: If it’s found that someone improperly launched the nuclear missile, is it important to you that someone is held accountable?

JB: I’m not the one that imposes [that] type of accountably. Its discipline and all that, that’s not really my job. Barack and Michelle yell at me a lot and send me to my room. And Michelle put me in time out last week because I was drinking Red Bull last week. But I like it and she’s not my mom.

Q: Is this a moment to just say ‘I’m sorry,’ to your supporters?

JB: I think it’s disappointing that a situation like this happens. Obviously I’d love to be up here talking about sitting in the Oval Office, not worried about spilling my Powerade, in a very joyful mood. I’m obviously very disappointed that we have to be having a press conference like this.

Following the press conferences the United Nations was able to get a transcript of text messages sent back and forth between White House Office Aides James McNally and John Jastremski from the night in question:

McNally: Joe sucks- he drank all of our beer… I’m going to take his nuclear warhead keys and blow up the greater Boston area.

Jastremski: When we were playing army last night. He actually brought you up and said you are one of his favorite people to play with. He loved that pirate hat you made with the pizza box. He was wearing it around saying “I’m Barack! I’m Barack!”

Jastremski: He’s funny.

Jastremski: I got caught by Michelle this morning. She took all of our Funyuns and Little Debbie Cosmic Brownies.

McNally: F*ck joe and michelle…Wait till tomorrow when nuclear winter begins.

Jastremski: Omg! Spaz.

Episode 24 of the podcast is up!

Are you subscribed to the Daly Dose Sports Podcast yet? If not…why not? Go to iTunes, Podcast Republic, Podcast Addict, or Stitcher and subscribe so you don’t miss an episode!

This week Clint talks about Tom Brady, the New England Patriots, and Deflategate. Did the NFL hit the Patriots too hard? Plus we hand out some NBA awards, talk NBA Playoffs and look back at the Top 5 most memorable sports scandals of all time.

Episode 24

Patriots trade for Jameis Winston

In a surprise move the New England Patriots have acquired newly drafted quarterback Jameis Winston in a trade with the Tampa Bay Buccaneers.

The Patriots traded their first round draft pick in 2016 and their fourth round draft pick in 2017 for Winston.

“We just feel like with Tom out we needed to fortify the quarterback position and Jameis has a lot of attributes about him that make me think he is a prime candidate to do things “the Patriot Way.” head coach Bill Belichick stated to members of the local media.

The Buccaneers meanwhile felt like they really struck a bargain. “We really enjoyed picking first in this past draft and who knows? We could be picking first again. Plus, now we have another pick from the Patriots. I am giddy just thinking about it.” said Bucs general manager Jason Licht.

When would Belichick let Tampa know that the draft pick they have received has been taken from the Patriots by the NFL as part of the “Deflate-Gate” controversy?

“I feel like this is important because there have been questions raised and I believe now 100 percent that I have personally, and we as an organization, have absolutely followed every rule to the letter.” Belichick mumbled. “I just feel that on behalf of everyone in the organization, everyone that’s involved in this organization, that we need to say something.”

“Besides it’s the Buccaneers. They won’t figure it out for years.”

NFL releases the Deflate Gate report in it’s entirety

**Below is a full transcript of the NFL interview with New England Patriots head coach Bill Belichick. Warning some of the language may be graphic in nature.**

Ted Wells: Tom Brady ordered the deflated footballs because that’s what you told him to do!

Robert Kraft: Object!

Judge Roger Goodell: Sustained!

Wells: And when it went bad, you cut those guys loose!

Kraft: Your honor!

Wells: You doctored the log book!…

Kraft: Da-n it, Ted!

Goodell: Consider yourself in contempt!

Wells: Bill Belichick, did you order the deflated footballs?

Goodell: You don’t have to answer that question!

Head coach Bill Belichick: I’ll answer the question!

[to Wells]

Belichick: You want answers?

Wells: I think I’m entitled to them.

Belichick: You want answers?

Wells: I want the truth!

Belichick: You can’t handle the truth!

[pauses]

Belichick: Son, we live in a world that has balls, and those balls have to be guarded by men with needles. Who’s gonna do it? You? You, Coach Pagano? I have a greater responsibility than you could possibly fathom. You weep for the Ravens, and you curse the Patriots. You have that luxury. You have the luxury of not knowing what I know. That the Colt’s loss, while tragic, probably saved lives. And my existence, while grotesque and incomprehensible to you, saves lives. You don’t want the truth because deep down in places you don’t talk about at parties, you want me on that ball, you need me on that ball. We use words like deflation, spying, atmospheric conditions. We use these words as the backbone of a life spent defending something. You use them as a punchline. I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself to a man who rises and sleeps under the blanket of the very freedom that I provide, and then questions the manner in which I provide it. I would rather you just said thank you, and went on your way, Otherwise, I suggest you pick up a needle, and stand a post. Either way, I don’t give a damn what you think you are entitled to.

Wells: Did you order the balls be deflated?

Belichick: I did the job I…

Wells: Did you order the balls be deflated?

Belichick: You’re god–mn right I did!