Cavaliers to sign Rihanna in hopes of bolstering bench

After two NBA Finals games, in which the Cleveland Cavaliers have been beaten by a combined score of 145 to 104 by the Golden State Warriors, management has decided to make a drastic move.

Cavaliers general manager David Griffin has announced that pop star Rihanna will be signed immediately to a 10 day contract. “We realize that this might seem unorthodox, but desperate times call for desperate measures. ” Griffin stated. “Rihanna has showed more passion than Kyle Korver, Channing Frye, and Deron Williams combined. At least she shows up for the games.”

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The Barbadian singer, songwriter, and actress has never actually played organized basketball, but she doesn’t have huge shoes to fill. Through the first two games, Korver, Smith, and Williams have compiled a whopping 10 points combined.

“I think Rihanna can score five points per game.” Griffin said. “And if nothing else, she can distract the opposing players just by wearing a pair of basketball shorts on the floor. That would be more than any of these guys have done.”

Does Griffin worry that this lack of production from the Cavaliers bench could be an indictment of the quality in which he has done his job?

“I didn’t sign those guys.” Griffin insisted. “Those were Lebron’s guys, and he made the choice to sign them. I am just trying to correct his mistakes.”

 

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