It seems like just days ago that the NBA Finals ended, and now here we are with the NBA Draft already upon us!
Oh yeah, that was just a few days ago…but the NBA knows that you can either watch the draft or watch baseball.
Either way, you’re probably going to get a nap out of the deal.
1. Philadelphia 76ers
The Sixers need the skills that LSU forward Ben Simmons has, as he is probably the best athlete, passer, and playmaker in this draft. Plus, he’s already used to losing. So it’s a win/win. Well…I guess it’s more win/win/lose.
Pick: Ben Simmons, F, LSU
2. Los Angeles Lakers
The Lakers like what Ingram brings to the table, as he is 6-9 and can hurt defenses from the perimeter. And Lakers point guard D’Angelo Russell is already trying to add Ingram on his Snapchat.
Pick: Brandon Ingram, F, Duke
3. Boston Celtics
Boston might end up trading this pick, but they could use some help in their front court, and the city of Boston does love them some white players.
Pick: Dragan Bender, PF, Bosnia
4. Phoenix Suns
The Suns have Eric Bledsoe, Brandon Knight, Devin Booker, and Alex Len. So they add another great athlete that looks good in workouts, but never really delivers in an actual game.
Pick: Marquese Chriss, F, Washington
5. Minnesota Timberwolves
First, T-Wolves point guard Ricky Rubio shoots 36 percent from the field for his career. Then he says how he is thinking about leaving Minnesota so he can finally make the playoffs. Minnesota has one word for the Spanish brick layer- “Adios.”
Pick: Kris Dunn, PG, Providence
6. New Orleans Pelicans
Jamal Murray might be the safest pick in the draft. He can score inside and outside, and should make an immediate impact with a team that desperately needs it. Sure, coming from Kentucky he will have to get used to the pay-cut, but sometimes these things just take time.
Pick: Jamal Murray, F, Kentucky
7. Denver Nuggets
The Nuggets can really use a top flight scorer and they can get one in Hield. And in a few years when he leaves to play for a real franchise, they will say how smart they were to have drafted him way back when.
Pick: Buddy Hield, G, Oklahoma
8. Sacramento Kings
Brown has some major physical skills, but he also has an attitude that have made teams question if he is worthy of a high pick. But in Sacramento, his attitude feels cute and cuddly when compared to DeMarcus Cousins and Rajon Rondo. So this pick just makes sense.
Pick: Jaylen Brown, F, California
9. Toronto Raptors
The Raptors need some rebounding help as Bismack Biyombo will be hitting the free agent market. And while no one even knew who Biyombo was a few weeks ago, the Raptors are now going to say he is a huge loss to their title chances.
Pick: Domantas Sabonis F/C Gonzaga
10. Milwaukee Bucks
The Bucks need some depth and skill up front, and Utah seven-footer Jakob Poeltl has shown that he might be capable of growing a Jack Sikma-like afro. So there’s that.
Pick: Jakob Poeltl, C, Utah
11. Orlando Magic
Orlando has had a pick in the top five of the NBA Draft for the past three years and have yet to win more than 35 games in a season. See? This NBA draft system is really working!
Pick: Skal Labissiere, C, Kentucky
12. Utah Jazz
It takes a special kind of player to play in Utah, where the alcohol is scarce, and the women are wearing bonnets. But Vandy shooting guard Wade Baldwin is saying all the right things in his interviews. So let’s see if he is really the good guy that he is portraying.
Pick: Wade Baldwin, SG, Vanderbilt
13. Phoenix Suns
The Suns have three picks in the first round so they can afford to take a chance on Murray here. He is extremely athletic and has great size. And it isn’t like anyone is holding their breath that the Suns are going to actually win something.
Pick: Dejounte Murray, G, Washington
14. Chicago Bulls
Davis could be a nice addition into the mix in Chicago. Unfortunately players are trying to leave the team like Jerry Krause is still running things. So Davis could end up being the man in Chicago. The man that gets beat a lot.
Pick: Deyonta Davis, PF Michigan State
15. Denver Nuggets
Denver grabs the scorer from Turkey with their second pick. He will join foreign players Danilo Gallinari from Italy, Nikola Jokic from Serbia, Joffrey Lauvergne from France, and Jusuf Nurkic from Bosnia. The Nuggets are putting together a scrappy European rec-league team.
Pick: Furkan Kormaz, SG, Turkey
16. Boston Celtics
Another pasty white dude in Celtic green. It’s like kismet.
Pick: Henry Ellenson, PF, Marquette
17. Memphis Grizzlies
Richardson made more three pointers in the Elite Eight against Virginia last spring than the Grizzlies made all last season.
Pick: Malachi Richardson, SG, Syracuse
18. Detroit Pistons
The Pistons might get the steal of the draft in Valentine, a hard-nosed kid that will produce at the next level. As long as he doesn’t face Middle Tennessee in the NBA.
Pick: Denzel Valentine, G, Michigan State
19. Denver Nuggets
Denver has three picks in the first round of the draft, and are looking to prove that they are capable of screwing up three picks, just as easy as they can botch a single pick. Well played, Denver. You “win”.
Pick: Ivica Zubac, C, Serbia
20. Indiana Pacers
Larry Bird fired Frank Vogel because he wants to play faster. And while critics will say Vogel won, Bird will point out that Indiana plays in the Eastern Conference so winning isn’t that difficult. And that he can still beat you at HORSE.
Pick: Demetrius Jackson, PG, Notre Dame
21. Atlanta Hawks
The Hawks can use some frontcourt help, especially if Al Horford decides to leave via free agency. Sure Johnson won’t be able to step right in for a player the caliber of Horford. But he can probably win the same amount of playoff games.
Pick: Brice Johnson, PF, North Carolina
22. Charlotte Hornets
Michael Jordan makes some headlines as he scoops up the seven-foot athlete that is already being called the “Sudanese-Australian Kwame Brown”.
Pick: Thon Maker, PF, Australia
23. Boston Celtics
After grabbing a couple of big white stiffs, the Celtics finally pick up a player that could actually improve their team. Hey, third time’s a charm.
Pick: Taurean Prince, F, Baylor
24. Philadelphia 76ers
With so many needs to fill it is kind of hard to know what the Sixers will do here. But I do know what they won’t do. Win anytime soon.
Pick: Cheick Diallo, PF, Kansas
25. Los Angeles Clippers
The Clippers could have some holes to fill and the big man from Vandy could provide some backup minutes to Blake Griffin and DeAndre Jordan. Sure, he isn’t as athletic as those two…but he can make a free throw.
Pick: Damian Jones, C, Vanderbilt
26. Philadelphia 76ers
The Sixers need guards so they grab the talented Bembry who can shoot, see the floor, and handle the ball. Philly should be well aware of Bembry who played his college ball right down the street at St. Joes. Then again we are talking about the 76ers. They have no idea who this kid is, do they?
Pick: DeAndre’ Bembry, SG, St Josephs
27. Toronto Raptors
The Raptors are going to need someone to miss some shots with DeMar DeRozen a possibility to leave via free agency. Beasley will give it a try.
Pick: Malik Beasley, SG, Florida State
28. Phoenix Suns
Yes, the Suns have yet another pick in the first round, but can they really afford three rookies? No, so they take “Juancho”, who will probably stay in Spain for another season. Then he can come to Phoenix to “Sucko”.
Pick: Juan Hernangomez, PF, Spain
29. San Antonio Spurs
He may wait another year before joining the Spurs and fellow countryman Tony Parker, but at just 21 years of age, the talented shooter lowers the Spurs average roster age to 74.
Pick: Petr Cornelie, PF, France
30. Golden State Warriors
The Warriors might have won the NBA Championship with a player like Bentil in the lineup instead of Anderson Varejao. Of course a can of Spam on the floor would have been an improvement over Varejao.
Pick: Ben Bentil, Providence, PF