Just 36 hours after it was announced that San Diego Chargers wide receiver Keenan Allen would miss the remainder of the season with a lacerated kidney there is news that Rivers could face the same fate.
The only difference is that Rivers is reportedly going to lacerate his kidney himself.
“Look, I’ve tried to help us win this year. I really have.” Rivers stated. “I have already thrown for 18 touchdowns and nearly 3,000 yards. We are leading the league in offense but it clearly isn’t helping. We are now 2-6 and getting blown out by teams like the Raiders. I mean come on…the Raiders?”
Isn’t he afraid of the backlash that he might face if he would injure himself on purpose to miss the rest of the year?
“You would think so, but not in San Diego. No one is even coming to our home games any more and the ones who do say some really mean things.”
How does one go about lacerating their own kidney?
“Well I have like 37 kids, so I guess I would just have them leave some toys out for me to step on, and then fall through a plate glass window or something. It can’t possibly hurt as bad as this season has.”